Vision for More

Since last I wrote, I have been fortunate to travel to Loreto Bay, Mexico, Los Angeles, California, and now I glance out my window at the deep, soft white of Utah snow, high on the mountain at Alta. The sun is piercing through the clouds, banding a slice of laser white light across the highest peak. I often think to myself, "When I am so blessed, how do I dare vision a life of 'more'?" Since February I've personally met Dr. Muhammad Yunus, Dr. Deepak Chopra, Hillary Clinton, artist Robert Shetterly, and seen Marianne Williamson speak at Agape International Spiritual Center. Where in my consciousness do I have the right to ask Spirit for more than I have right now? This is a common questioning I bring forth in my life. 'Deservedness.' When I was younger, if I saw a person who had a disability, I would fall into guilt; "Why do I have two functioning arms and legs, an clear processing brain or other advantages that they do not?" I felt a profound unworthiness at having 'more' than 'the other.' I lived in NYC, and I worked as a counselor at the Young Adult Institute in my 20's. Counselors were responsible for supporting adult clients with mental and physical disabilities as they moved through their daily tasks such as dining, showering, or other scheduled activities. One day a client named Ramona sat down and began drawing on paper. She had never expressed an interest in art before, and she was thirty three years old with the measured mental capacity of a five year old. Very focused, Ramona frantically created an extraordinary repetition of amoebic shapes in a distinct, perfect asymmetrical order. It was the most powerful artwork. Beautiful. As her hands erupted in a frenzied execution of her creation, quiet giggles trickled from inside her until they, too, erupted into an empowered, deeply heart felt, unrestrained, joyful laughter. Tears fell from her face as she created, and I watched in wonder as this woman felt a glee drawing that I rarely felt. One day I was talking Ramona through her daily shower. I somehow triggered her schizophrenia. With the same impassioned power she used in her art, she grabbed my hair and threw me into the shower stall, pummeling me with her fists. I was fortunate to have escaped with only a black eye and some deep bruises. Reflecting on her 'disablity', I realized that Ramona taught me the freedom to feel my art, and my deepest rage. She was emotionally free. How dare I be so self centered as to believe I had any 'more' than this woman who taught me so much? Ramona may very well look on my life with pity...She was not disabled with my societal norms, familial masks or religious guilt. My personal, historical, socially constructed habits canceled out my potential moments of laughter erupting from my belly. My familial or religious masks neutered my ability to create art from the depths of my heart. How can I compare my experience to hers, and feel guilty as if I have more? Only my previous perceptions were placing her as 'less than' or having less. I certainly think she did not feel the inequality that I created in my mind between us. Now I dare to desire 'more', guilt free, acknowledging with gratitude that I have much. I know that I am a Distribution Point for Good. If I recieve more into my life, if I create a life of plentitude and joy, then I have more to give. I commit to giving-to supporting my world community by daring to dream for the ultimate More. I claim and stand for the right of World Peace, that every mouth be fed, and every child educated in a way that supports their intellectual, spiritual and cultural growth. I vision for dis-ease to pass into the void, replaced by brilliantly vibrant cells. I claim the Truth behind the facade that we must as individual nations consider ourselves separate.. I challenge you to dream and vision more for your life. We deserve ultimate abundance of health, wealth and wisdom. Dare to Dream. Vision for more. Be as Grand as you can be. Your 'more' will help the world. Love and Blessings, Robbi