infinite possibility can hurt

sometimes the vastness of infinite possibility hurts my heart. most of the time it's amazing to feel the wonder and excitement of the Great Mystery, but in this very moment, infinite possibility presents a rare moment of emptiness ....the question, "why not now? I do believe in "its" existence, and inevitable marrying of my "it" to me...but I hurt as the sweet, tired me, here on a Saturday night, listens alone to a beautiful singer call out. She paints her pictures with music...her descriptions dance in my head as real as visions of my own erupting on canvas. her voice, my quietude, as a spirit waltz. I am surrounded by beloved friends, the successes, the joys, the abundance, the travels and recognition, excitement and loves. yet here I sit, looking into the black void of a forested night, wondering...waiting for the most treasured piece of infinite possibility to take form and live...to be alive in my personal now by holding my hand and feeling the, "I love you forever. You are golden, you are mine." and so I am home, I hold my brushes in my hand, and begin my own silent waltz with oil paint oil portrait smoothing its textures from my heart to color form. cherished eyes, lips, a brightness and much dark tonight. Contrast. The painted declaration that infinite possibility can hurt....